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Grief comes and goes in it’s full tsunami, it ne

Grief comes and goes in it’s full tsunami, it never disappears, it lingers around you…
My mind is frazzled with anxiety and I don’t even feel like cooking anymore…

The only thing that is feeding me, is the fear or more death of those whom I deeply love😩.

Most of the time I keep all this in,
And I of course kept so much more in over the years,
But I find writing helps; it’s like therapy, a hot bath soak or even a shower that’s longer than five minutes… therapy.

Not everyone wears grief well,
And so many wear it brilliantly like an outfit of the day.

It can even be painful just simply walking down my passage to the fridge, putting socks on or looking at the objects around the house that remind me of my mum like her sewing machine…

I started sewing for my daughter just so I could remember my mum and now her absence has gone through me like a thread through a needle and everything I do is stitched with her colour 😩

I finally realise why music hurts,
I always knew it was considered “haram”,
But it finally makes sense because now
Every single song hurts and as do the memories that come with them.

The scariest feeling in all of this is every time I wake up, I feel her loss all over again 😩

Losing someone doesn’t feel like
“Oh it happened four weeks ago, no”
Losing someone is a life long journey
And this journey will constantly evolve with us through each chapter of our lives.

Fortunate are the ones who do not understand grieving…

I fear grief will age me and I will become old with loss and this will be the price I pay for missing her that much more after I left her 😪#4weeks

You don’t need to give everyone the privilege of

You don’t need to give everyone the privilege of knowing every little detail about you and until you view it as just that, a privilege, no one else ever will. You and your life is the greatest privilege you will ever own…

Everything posted thus far was never a secret, it was personal. Do I need to record a video now about every detail about my life and what happened? No. A woman who retains a sense of mystery, who doesn’t engage in gossip, quietly progresses, and does her thing without the need for an audience, will always be a winner.

I used to be one of those people that shared everything with anyone who was willing to listen. Everyone knew “my story” and the drama associated with it. It soon got to a point where the level to which I’d share would be so shamefully excessive to the relationship I had with the person I was talking to, I got embarrassed. I was vulnerable, I was lonely and felt inadequate, they took advantage, it made them feel better about themselves and their miserable life.I had in-dealt with trauma…😞

When you divulge into a little conversation about yourself to someone else, you lose yourself & your worth. It’s the cheapest kind of connection you will ever put yourself through, trust me.

Protecting yourself and those who you love is life’s greatest skill especially when you have worked your socks off creating a beautiful life and as the saying goes, a private life is a happy life. Find the balance to how much you share, because only you have the power to serve yourself, nobody will fix your problems but you.

You’re sad? Talk to Allah.
You’re happy? Praise Allah.
You have problems? Ask Allah for help.
You’re depressed? Cry to Allah.

Many problems will instantly be resolved quickly and smoothly when you take them to Allah in prayer, not to social networks or loose friends. Dont doubt yourself into thinking THEY can make better choices for yourself than Allah can, Allah created you, so only He knows what’s good for you and everything that concerns you, He knows how to take care of you.

Accept that there’s not a seat for everyone at the table of your private life…
“Place your trust in the ever living who cannot die” Al Furqan, 58.

Many of you have been sending me this video upload

Many of you have been sending me this video uploaded by @umarssoundz

Before he uploaded it,
I already watched this video a thousand times over but always quickly swiped passed it because it makes me cry out loud.

I know you have never heard me cry,
But if you did,
You would cry too…

I know how he feels
I know how I have been feeling in almost two decades,
I never know how to feel,
I don’t know what’s the right or wrong way to feel…

We chose our own paths,
Reverts cry differently,
But what gives me a sense of peace,
Is knowing that Allah is All Merciful,
And in my heart I feel He has a special place for my parents because they are special people, they are good people…

If your parents are alive today,
Do a lot more for them than you do already
And that includes your mother in laws.
They too, are your partners mother,
So therefore they are your mothers…

If there’s one thing I have heard a lot of in these past 15 years is “how evil your mother in law is” tales in the south Asian community. Can we just pause there for a minute please? If she’s truly evil, it’s always in your hands to repay her with kindness. Wasn’t our beloved prophet pbuh dealt with horribly by many people? How about the woman who threw stones at him everyday but he would always smile and even visited her on her death bed, so much so she accepted Islam subhanallah 😩

If they are difficult, be kind…
Kindness always wins,
As does love

Love Heals All ❤️

VACCINATE YOURSELF WITH FORGIVENESS… When I lef

VACCINATE YOURSELF WITH FORGIVENESS…

When I left home the last thing my mum said to me was “the next time you see me is my dead face” 😞

BUT

The last time I actually saw my mum, she told me “you are so loved, and I love you and all I want is for you to continuously be happy” 😞

The first time hurt because we were all emotional I left home,
But the second time hurt more, because she’s no longer here..

What someone says to you can have a lasting impact on you for the rest of your life, and that is why it’s important for us not to react when others hurt us. It’s so easy to bite back, but actually it always does more damage than good. Harsh words often harden the heart and produces resentment, both in turn can lead to a very dissatisfied life and can even cause trouble with the body.

Allah swt says,
Tell my servants to say what is best. (17:53)
And say to the people what is good.(2:83)
The Prophet (peace be on him) said:
Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day let him say something good or let him be silent. (Bukhari)

The Art of Being Silent:
Many of us fail to articulate this art. Many of us in our anger cannot stop ourselves from saying what we later regret. Take a deep breath before you say anything.Some people justify themselves, thinking that what they said was the right thing to say. But you can achieve the same results with kindness, so why choose harshness?

Sometimes the scars are painful to remember, but of course she was my mother and I NEVER took it personally. Forgiveness was mandatory. We ask Allah Almighty to give us a sound heart, to make us of those who control our tongues and keep our tongues busy with His remembrance…

Forgive, your health depends on it; release the burden and heal your wounds, because forgiveness is the best vaccine you will ever take that comes zero side effects❤️🙏🏼

Allah,The source of Mercy , Compassion, Forgiveness, Goodness and Kindness…

The first time my mum met my husband was indeed wh

The first time my mum met my husband was indeed whilst she lay there on her death bed; they didn’t actually meet…😪 this is something that I don’t think il ever get over.

There’s no doubt in this world that she would have loved him so much and smothered him with love. He was always the perfect son in law who simply just couldn’t be… I remember she told me to marry a Hrithik Roshan type, but instead it was worse; it was indeed a Shahrukh Khan type🤦🏻‍♀️ one could argue I lived K3G whilst everyone else always fantasised about it…

He always joked about how I should fear the day they both would gang up on me, that they would pick on me, tease me, poke me and make fun out of me. What I wouldn’t do to have had that one experience of banter with her right now…😞

I had big dreams, big big dreams,
Of the day she would come to my house,
And chill. We would watch her favourite movie Raja Hindustani 🤷🏻‍♀️ and I would hear her very awful singing and he would be on Instagram cooking live for her, with her. I would sit on the floor with her paan grinder and my children would be frolicking around her, tugging her sari and jumping on her lap…

Iv cooked more for you all online than I ever did my parents. 😞 I self taught myself everything as I never had her to show me how. I never had the pleasure of doing anything with my mum post marriage and this is my biggest, hopeless regret I live with today. But I pray that Allah swt the most compassionate and the most merciful will allow me these moments with her in Jannah…

Reunite us together in your heavens, Allah 🙏🏼

If you don’t do much with your parents, now is the time, make it memorable and take lots of recordings of that and not just selfies of yourself…

What use was I ever to you all showing my photos, sharing my name or sharing anything private when I wasn’t even doing it with my own mum…😞

Keep my father in your Duas,
That whilst he is alive, Allah gives me the opportunity with him to fulfil what could be my final wishes…🙏🏼

Allah is never far away. And we are reminded of ho

Allah is never far away. And we are reminded of how close He is to our jugular vein, 50:16. No matter how dark your situation is or how desperate you get. No matter how difficult it gets for you or maybe even your loved ones who are suffering, Allah will in fact, so long as you have reliance in Him, Allah will bring you light from where you are just as long as you have reliance on Him…

Allah can in fact bring you light, from wherever you are, whichever situation you are in no matter how bad it is, He can turn things around just in a moment, that is what is in the Hands of Allah, all of that in the hands of Allah.

Every step u take up that difficult road or struggling mountain, every rock you climb, every time you’re slipping and almost falling and getting desperate, don’t think that this is going to last, Allah will bring relief to u whenever and however He can.

“Allah is the Guardian of those who have faith; He brings them out of darkness into the light...” 2:257

If we look around us, the sun is our pinnacle for our source of light. The suns light is the source of beauties, warmness, luminosities, life, growth &movement for all. And thus Allah is the source of ultimate Light; An Nur. He is the ultimate light of the heavens and earth.

Through my darkest years, they were long, they were so long, and in the beginning there was no social media to fill my loneliness. I had an incredible support system, albeit small, but life was very challenging that life felt insurmountable… even when Islam was new for me I put my complete trust in a God I hardly knew. I remember sitting on my rocking chair cradling my son, day & night, asking Allah to give me comfort, peace and happiness through my child.

I always hoped the knock on the door was my parents, the call on the phone was my siblings, a friend request on Facebook would be one of my family members… & even when I started Instagram some five years ago I always hoped one of those followers was my parents 😪

But look at me now, I know u cannot see, but just look: five beautiful children and the most supportive husband. And you guys ❤️

Grateful to Allah, An- Nur- the source of all light who clears away all darkness☝🏼

Strong people usually come with a painful past, so

Strong people usually come with a painful past, so if you are experiencing pain today, just know that you will be a strong person tomorrow and it’s that inner strength that will get you through your darkest days…

One of the most difficult things in life is to grasp the concept of
“Being happy with the decree of Allah”
Because of how difficult it is to accept a condition you are in that may be causing you to be in incessant pain…

It takes real courage
It takes enormous strength
It takes large amounts of patience
And most of all it takes an abundance of endurance to accept all pain in life that may arise…

For all the 1000s of good deeds I may have ever done growing up or as a Muslim, it never really mattered because of my one fault of hurting my parents😞… And that is why time and time again, we are reminded that it is Allah who will overlook a 1000 of our faults because of our one good deed…

Human beings can be such problematic problems for each other and don’t you know it? Yes? I’m glad we can agree on this 🤧

We hold grudges, yet Allah forgives
We expose each other’s sins, yet Allah conceals…
We forget all the good people do to us because of one act of pain, yet Allah erases 1000 of our sins because of that one good deed we did…

If Allah dealt with us the way we deal with each other, none of us would attain salvation from harm, we would destroy each other as we do today, just look at the world today we are killing each other mentally and physically every single day…

Praise be to Allah…
The Most Mericful,
The Most Compassionate,
The Most Forgiving,
The Most Loving and most of all
The Most Just…

And honestly speaking, it’s because of His justness I accepted Islam as His justness was never doubted and there was far too much injustice around me growing up and there is a hell of a lot more injustice around the world today for there not be an ultimate court of justice.

Allah, the Most Just - Al Adl …The One who always acts justly. The One who delivers fairness in justice and The One who rectifies and sets matters straight in a fair…

Don’t ever say “why me”, Get to know Allah, His supreme justice is absolute ☝🏼

My mum was an extremely well loved woman. She had

My mum was an extremely well loved woman.
She had more Muslim friends than I do today.
And they all filled up my mothers room yesterday.
I may have lost my birth mum today
But I also gained so many more. YOU GUYS.

My Mum was a beautiful woman.
Fiesty, fasty but Full of life and very funny!
For a minute I thought I was describing myself, And perhaps yes I was,
Of course, after all I was her daughter and I definitely took all those traits with me when I left home a very long time ago..

I was always very sorry I left my parents and their religion, but after the initial years of upset, she managed to tell me how much she loved me, admired me, envied me and that I should continue to enjoy the rest of my life in the peaceful way I was living with my husband and five beautiful children…

When she asked me “but why five 😭”
I told her the answer was simple…
I needed to replace you, dad, my two brothers and my sister and so I had to have five kids… so she was left speechless but of course she had to have the last word “don’t lie, it’s because you wanted a girl! And if u didn’t get your girl you wouldn’t have stopped” 😬 erm ok mum yes, whatever you say…

And yes, I would do anything, anything to see her or hear her voice again telling me those same very words all over again, but I can’t and I can accept this now as she’s no longer here in this life…

I truly believe Allah is amazing.
Unlike so many Muslims, Iv spent a massive chunk of my life getting to know who Allah is… He is All Mericiful and All Compassionate foremost. He is All Loving, Al Wadud…He is Love… and he allowed me to experience love from my mother before she died and for this I am so thankful to Allah for…

Allah’s love for us never diminishes. What changes is our ability to be receptive to Divine Love. Allah has been loving me so much that He never stopped testing me, bringing me closer to Him each day… and with recent world events and tragedies He couldn’t have chosen a better time, when I needed to turn to Him the most.

The love of Allah reaches all people and all creatures through His innumerable acts of mercy to His creation and I truly believe I am the gateway for my mothers place in jannah…❤️

As my mums cremation nears tomorrow, I’m not sle

As my mums cremation nears tomorrow, I’m not sleeping so well. I’m reading a lot to find comfort in something, find solace in her passing and that may explain a few of my recent stories… but the fact remains I’m petrified of what is to come, I’m not sleeping…

I’m hearing sounds of her skull cracking and exploding…
Much like a microwaved potato with no puncture in the skin.
I can hear her screaming…
But this time it’s not her telling me off like she did when I was her young child.
I can hear her hair spark…
The blazing fire burning the hips of my mother where once I slept…
I cannot sleep in my own bed,
Knowing my mother will be tortured in hot flames…
You cannot say “rest in peace” to me as she will not be resting…
The process of a burial gives peace,
The process of burning is giving me heart palpitations…
And they will tell me “this is not about you”
So all I can do is nothing…

We came from nothing…
Allah says “Be and it is”…
And I know that in the barzaqh phase Allah can do the same again and bring her back to life, just like when he created her.

But when tomorrow comes,
She will be placed in the incinerator as it is preheated to about 1,100 degrees Fahrenheit..
The blazing heat will ignite her body causing it to dry up as we are 75% water…

Her once soft arms she once cradled me in will begin to tighten, burn and vaporise from the heat, her mocha soft skin will become waxy, discoloured, blistered and split…
Her muscles she used to raise me with, feed and clothe me with will char and then eventually her bones will calcify, flake and crumble…only to leave me with a few pounds of her ash to carry…

It is not Allah who is causing her to burn…
There will be no place for me to visit her, like the way I visit my mother in law…

My husband is truly loved and favoured and so are you all… I am at loss, I envy you all…

You all get to visit your parents at their grave,
Whilst my separation from my mother continues more, for the rest of my life, as long as I shall live… I can never visit my mum ever again…

There is no janazah for my mum…😢

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married@2x

Welcome To Hungry Hijabi ❤️ British Bengali Food Blogger – Sharing my recipes with my Hungry Husband ❤️. Browse my collection of world wide traditional, authentic & recipes.

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April 28, 2016

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April 28, 2016

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Places to try: Mangal Ocakbasi

April 24, 2016

Places to try: Mangal Ocakbasi

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Grief comes and goes in it’s full tsunami, it ne

Grief comes and goes in it’s full tsunami, it never disappears, it lingers around you…
My mind is frazzled with anxiety and I don’t even feel like cooking anymore…

The only thing that is feeding me, is the fear or more death of those whom I deeply love😩.

Most of the time I keep all this in,
And I of course kept so much more in over the years,
But I find writing helps; it’s like therapy, a hot bath soak or even a shower that’s longer than five minutes… therapy.

Not everyone wears grief well,
And so many wear it brilliantly like an outfit of the day.

It can even be painful just simply walking down my passage to the fridge, putting socks on or looking at the objects around the house that remind me of my mum like her sewing machine…

I started sewing for my daughter just so I could remember my mum and now her absence has gone through me like a thread through a needle and everything I do is stitched with her colour 😩

I finally realise why music hurts,
I always knew it was considered “haram”,
But it finally makes sense because now
Every single song hurts and as do the memories that come with them.

The scariest feeling in all of this is every time I wake up, I feel her loss all over again 😩

Losing someone doesn’t feel like
“Oh it happened four weeks ago, no”
Losing someone is a life long journey
And this journey will constantly evolve with us through each chapter of our lives.

Fortunate are the ones who do not understand grieving…

I fear grief will age me and I will become old with loss and this will be the price I pay for missing her that much more after I left her 😪#4weeks

You don’t need to give everyone the privilege of

You don’t need to give everyone the privilege of knowing every little detail about you and until you view it as just that, a privilege, no one else ever will. You and your life is the greatest privilege you will ever own…

Everything posted thus far was never a secret, it was personal. Do I need to record a video now about every detail about my life and what happened? No. A woman who retains a sense of mystery, who doesn’t engage in gossip, quietly progresses, and does her thing without the need for an audience, will always be a winner.

I used to be one of those people that shared everything with anyone who was willing to listen. Everyone knew “my story” and the drama associated with it. It soon got to a point where the level to which I’d share would be so shamefully excessive to the relationship I had with the person I was talking to, I got embarrassed. I was vulnerable, I was lonely and felt inadequate, they took advantage, it made them feel better about themselves and their miserable life.I had in-dealt with trauma…😞

When you divulge into a little conversation about yourself to someone else, you lose yourself & your worth. It’s the cheapest kind of connection you will ever put yourself through, trust me.

Protecting yourself and those who you love is life’s greatest skill especially when you have worked your socks off creating a beautiful life and as the saying goes, a private life is a happy life. Find the balance to how much you share, because only you have the power to serve yourself, nobody will fix your problems but you.

You’re sad? Talk to Allah.
You’re happy? Praise Allah.
You have problems? Ask Allah for help.
You’re depressed? Cry to Allah.

Many problems will instantly be resolved quickly and smoothly when you take them to Allah in prayer, not to social networks or loose friends. Dont doubt yourself into thinking THEY can make better choices for yourself than Allah can, Allah created you, so only He knows what’s good for you and everything that concerns you, He knows how to take care of you.

Accept that there’s not a seat for everyone at the table of your private life…
“Place your trust in the ever living who cannot die” Al Furqan, 58.

Many of you have been sending me this video upload

Many of you have been sending me this video uploaded by @umarssoundz

Before he uploaded it,
I already watched this video a thousand times over but always quickly swiped passed it because it makes me cry out loud.

I know you have never heard me cry,
But if you did,
You would cry too…

I know how he feels
I know how I have been feeling in almost two decades,
I never know how to feel,
I don’t know what’s the right or wrong way to feel…

We chose our own paths,
Reverts cry differently,
But what gives me a sense of peace,
Is knowing that Allah is All Merciful,
And in my heart I feel He has a special place for my parents because they are special people, they are good people…

If your parents are alive today,
Do a lot more for them than you do already
And that includes your mother in laws.
They too, are your partners mother,
So therefore they are your mothers…

If there’s one thing I have heard a lot of in these past 15 years is “how evil your mother in law is” tales in the south Asian community. Can we just pause there for a minute please? If she’s truly evil, it’s always in your hands to repay her with kindness. Wasn’t our beloved prophet pbuh dealt with horribly by many people? How about the woman who threw stones at him everyday but he would always smile and even visited her on her death bed, so much so she accepted Islam subhanallah 😩

If they are difficult, be kind…
Kindness always wins,
As does love

Love Heals All ❤️

VACCINATE YOURSELF WITH FORGIVENESS… When I lef

VACCINATE YOURSELF WITH FORGIVENESS…

When I left home the last thing my mum said to me was “the next time you see me is my dead face” 😞

BUT

The last time I actually saw my mum, she told me “you are so loved, and I love you and all I want is for you to continuously be happy” 😞

The first time hurt because we were all emotional I left home,
But the second time hurt more, because she’s no longer here..

What someone says to you can have a lasting impact on you for the rest of your life, and that is why it’s important for us not to react when others hurt us. It’s so easy to bite back, but actually it always does more damage than good. Harsh words often harden the heart and produces resentment, both in turn can lead to a very dissatisfied life and can even cause trouble with the body.

Allah swt says,
Tell my servants to say what is best. (17:53)
And say to the people what is good.(2:83)
The Prophet (peace be on him) said:
Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day let him say something good or let him be silent. (Bukhari)

The Art of Being Silent:
Many of us fail to articulate this art. Many of us in our anger cannot stop ourselves from saying what we later regret. Take a deep breath before you say anything.Some people justify themselves, thinking that what they said was the right thing to say. But you can achieve the same results with kindness, so why choose harshness?

Sometimes the scars are painful to remember, but of course she was my mother and I NEVER took it personally. Forgiveness was mandatory. We ask Allah Almighty to give us a sound heart, to make us of those who control our tongues and keep our tongues busy with His remembrance…

Forgive, your health depends on it; release the burden and heal your wounds, because forgiveness is the best vaccine you will ever take that comes zero side effects❤️🙏🏼

Allah,The source of Mercy , Compassion, Forgiveness, Goodness and Kindness…

The first time my mum met my husband was indeed wh

The first time my mum met my husband was indeed whilst she lay there on her death bed; they didn’t actually meet…😪 this is something that I don’t think il ever get over.

There’s no doubt in this world that she would have loved him so much and smothered him with love. He was always the perfect son in law who simply just couldn’t be… I remember she told me to marry a Hrithik Roshan type, but instead it was worse; it was indeed a Shahrukh Khan type🤦🏻‍♀️ one could argue I lived K3G whilst everyone else always fantasised about it…

He always joked about how I should fear the day they both would gang up on me, that they would pick on me, tease me, poke me and make fun out of me. What I wouldn’t do to have had that one experience of banter with her right now…😞

I had big dreams, big big dreams,
Of the day she would come to my house,
And chill. We would watch her favourite movie Raja Hindustani 🤷🏻‍♀️ and I would hear her very awful singing and he would be on Instagram cooking live for her, with her. I would sit on the floor with her paan grinder and my children would be frolicking around her, tugging her sari and jumping on her lap…

Iv cooked more for you all online than I ever did my parents. 😞 I self taught myself everything as I never had her to show me how. I never had the pleasure of doing anything with my mum post marriage and this is my biggest, hopeless regret I live with today. But I pray that Allah swt the most compassionate and the most merciful will allow me these moments with her in Jannah…

Reunite us together in your heavens, Allah 🙏🏼

If you don’t do much with your parents, now is the time, make it memorable and take lots of recordings of that and not just selfies of yourself…

What use was I ever to you all showing my photos, sharing my name or sharing anything private when I wasn’t even doing it with my own mum…😞

Keep my father in your Duas,
That whilst he is alive, Allah gives me the opportunity with him to fulfil what could be my final wishes…🙏🏼

Allah is never far away. And we are reminded of ho

Allah is never far away. And we are reminded of how close He is to our jugular vein, 50:16. No matter how dark your situation is or how desperate you get. No matter how difficult it gets for you or maybe even your loved ones who are suffering, Allah will in fact, so long as you have reliance in Him, Allah will bring you light from where you are just as long as you have reliance on Him…

Allah can in fact bring you light, from wherever you are, whichever situation you are in no matter how bad it is, He can turn things around just in a moment, that is what is in the Hands of Allah, all of that in the hands of Allah.

Every step u take up that difficult road or struggling mountain, every rock you climb, every time you’re slipping and almost falling and getting desperate, don’t think that this is going to last, Allah will bring relief to u whenever and however He can.

“Allah is the Guardian of those who have faith; He brings them out of darkness into the light...” 2:257

If we look around us, the sun is our pinnacle for our source of light. The suns light is the source of beauties, warmness, luminosities, life, growth &movement for all. And thus Allah is the source of ultimate Light; An Nur. He is the ultimate light of the heavens and earth.

Through my darkest years, they were long, they were so long, and in the beginning there was no social media to fill my loneliness. I had an incredible support system, albeit small, but life was very challenging that life felt insurmountable… even when Islam was new for me I put my complete trust in a God I hardly knew. I remember sitting on my rocking chair cradling my son, day & night, asking Allah to give me comfort, peace and happiness through my child.

I always hoped the knock on the door was my parents, the call on the phone was my siblings, a friend request on Facebook would be one of my family members… & even when I started Instagram some five years ago I always hoped one of those followers was my parents 😪

But look at me now, I know u cannot see, but just look: five beautiful children and the most supportive husband. And you guys ❤️

Grateful to Allah, An- Nur- the source of all light who clears away all darkness☝🏼

Strong people usually come with a painful past, so

Strong people usually come with a painful past, so if you are experiencing pain today, just know that you will be a strong person tomorrow and it’s that inner strength that will get you through your darkest days…

One of the most difficult things in life is to grasp the concept of
“Being happy with the decree of Allah”
Because of how difficult it is to accept a condition you are in that may be causing you to be in incessant pain…

It takes real courage
It takes enormous strength
It takes large amounts of patience
And most of all it takes an abundance of endurance to accept all pain in life that may arise…

For all the 1000s of good deeds I may have ever done growing up or as a Muslim, it never really mattered because of my one fault of hurting my parents😞… And that is why time and time again, we are reminded that it is Allah who will overlook a 1000 of our faults because of our one good deed…

Human beings can be such problematic problems for each other and don’t you know it? Yes? I’m glad we can agree on this 🤧

We hold grudges, yet Allah forgives
We expose each other’s sins, yet Allah conceals…
We forget all the good people do to us because of one act of pain, yet Allah erases 1000 of our sins because of that one good deed we did…

If Allah dealt with us the way we deal with each other, none of us would attain salvation from harm, we would destroy each other as we do today, just look at the world today we are killing each other mentally and physically every single day…

Praise be to Allah…
The Most Mericful,
The Most Compassionate,
The Most Forgiving,
The Most Loving and most of all
The Most Just…

And honestly speaking, it’s because of His justness I accepted Islam as His justness was never doubted and there was far too much injustice around me growing up and there is a hell of a lot more injustice around the world today for there not be an ultimate court of justice.

Allah, the Most Just - Al Adl …The One who always acts justly. The One who delivers fairness in justice and The One who rectifies and sets matters straight in a fair…

Don’t ever say “why me”, Get to know Allah, His supreme justice is absolute ☝🏼

My mum was an extremely well loved woman. She had

My mum was an extremely well loved woman.
She had more Muslim friends than I do today.
And they all filled up my mothers room yesterday.
I may have lost my birth mum today
But I also gained so many more. YOU GUYS.

My Mum was a beautiful woman.
Fiesty, fasty but Full of life and very funny!
For a minute I thought I was describing myself, And perhaps yes I was,
Of course, after all I was her daughter and I definitely took all those traits with me when I left home a very long time ago..

I was always very sorry I left my parents and their religion, but after the initial years of upset, she managed to tell me how much she loved me, admired me, envied me and that I should continue to enjoy the rest of my life in the peaceful way I was living with my husband and five beautiful children…

When she asked me “but why five 😭”
I told her the answer was simple…
I needed to replace you, dad, my two brothers and my sister and so I had to have five kids… so she was left speechless but of course she had to have the last word “don’t lie, it’s because you wanted a girl! And if u didn’t get your girl you wouldn’t have stopped” 😬 erm ok mum yes, whatever you say…

And yes, I would do anything, anything to see her or hear her voice again telling me those same very words all over again, but I can’t and I can accept this now as she’s no longer here in this life…

I truly believe Allah is amazing.
Unlike so many Muslims, Iv spent a massive chunk of my life getting to know who Allah is… He is All Mericiful and All Compassionate foremost. He is All Loving, Al Wadud…He is Love… and he allowed me to experience love from my mother before she died and for this I am so thankful to Allah for…

Allah’s love for us never diminishes. What changes is our ability to be receptive to Divine Love. Allah has been loving me so much that He never stopped testing me, bringing me closer to Him each day… and with recent world events and tragedies He couldn’t have chosen a better time, when I needed to turn to Him the most.

The love of Allah reaches all people and all creatures through His innumerable acts of mercy to His creation and I truly believe I am the gateway for my mothers place in jannah…❤️

As my mums cremation nears tomorrow, I’m not sle

As my mums cremation nears tomorrow, I’m not sleeping so well. I’m reading a lot to find comfort in something, find solace in her passing and that may explain a few of my recent stories… but the fact remains I’m petrified of what is to come, I’m not sleeping…

I’m hearing sounds of her skull cracking and exploding…
Much like a microwaved potato with no puncture in the skin.
I can hear her screaming…
But this time it’s not her telling me off like she did when I was her young child.
I can hear her hair spark…
The blazing fire burning the hips of my mother where once I slept…
I cannot sleep in my own bed,
Knowing my mother will be tortured in hot flames…
You cannot say “rest in peace” to me as she will not be resting…
The process of a burial gives peace,
The process of burning is giving me heart palpitations…
And they will tell me “this is not about you”
So all I can do is nothing…

We came from nothing…
Allah says “Be and it is”…
And I know that in the barzaqh phase Allah can do the same again and bring her back to life, just like when he created her.

But when tomorrow comes,
She will be placed in the incinerator as it is preheated to about 1,100 degrees Fahrenheit..
The blazing heat will ignite her body causing it to dry up as we are 75% water…

Her once soft arms she once cradled me in will begin to tighten, burn and vaporise from the heat, her mocha soft skin will become waxy, discoloured, blistered and split…
Her muscles she used to raise me with, feed and clothe me with will char and then eventually her bones will calcify, flake and crumble…only to leave me with a few pounds of her ash to carry…

It is not Allah who is causing her to burn…
There will be no place for me to visit her, like the way I visit my mother in law…

My husband is truly loved and favoured and so are you all… I am at loss, I envy you all…

You all get to visit your parents at their grave,
Whilst my separation from my mother continues more, for the rest of my life, as long as I shall live… I can never visit my mum ever again…

There is no janazah for my mum…😢

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